trying something new here - i don't carve out many outlets for myself to poke & prod at my thoughts/feelings. been trying to do that lately with a pencil-and-paper notebook; but who says i can't keep two journals at once!
i've been wrestling with a persistent psychosis re: complete estrangement. entirely, but not deliberately, i've divested myself of current events, history, pop/culture, etc. to the extreme that it feels as if i've severed off an essential appendage for relating to others (through shared reference points, maybe?)
the more urgent issue is that i'm frankly unhappy - with the person i am because of this. i am aware of how much there is to learn in order to be conversant, but i'm 20. i should have been working on this since high school. now i'm supposed to be finishing up college, finding a job, making a career, but i'm here learning to read for the first time. where will i find the time, the energy?
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